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The Excitement of the Search -
Looking for the Self Behind the Symptom
By
Judith Hendin, Ph.D., N.M.T.
Page 4
Responsible ~ Sad Child (lung disease)
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Moving From Generalities to Specifics
Peggy, a young professional woman, started her session facing
the bleak prospect of a potentially terminal lung disease with no
known cause. Louise Hay says lung disease stems from “depression,
grief, fear of taking in life, not feeling worthy of taking life
fully.” Similarly, Carolyn Myss says lung diseases are related
to “the energy center near the heart...that relates to emotional
perceptions.’” In Peggy’s case, they were both
correct. But what does Peggy do with this? How does she find the
specific grief that lies beneath her particular illness? Following
the protocol of the Self Behind the Symptom, she discovered at least
one significant component of her illness.
As the session began, I asked Peggy to be open to receiving any
image or message from the lung illness that would guide her to her
inner world.
“I sense a scary sadness. It feels like a black hole, empty.”
“Tell me more about this black hole.”
“There’s the image of a coffin. It’s only about
an inch wide.”
“That is a very small coffin,” I said, wondering if
an Inner Child might be surfacing. “Is anyone in the coffin?”
“Little Peggy is in there. She’s holding back her tears.”
“Why is she holding back her tears?” I asked.
“Because it’s weak of her to cry.”
“Who says that?” This was the crucial moment, the duality
that often lies behind a symptom: one part of Peggy said she was
not supposed to cry, while another part desperately needed to cry.
I continued, “May we speak with the part that says crying
is weak?”
Peggy assented. As this part spoke, the energy shifted. A strong,
upright, grownup person appeared in Peggy. It recalled her childhood.
“I can see Peggy’s mother scolding her. The mother is
saying, ‘Behave. Help me. I have an enormous amount to carry,
and you only add to my burden.’ So,” this part continued,
“I came in then and hardly ever allowed Peggy to cry, because
that would have added to her mom’s pain.”
“You took care of Peggy’s mom by deciding that Peggy
should not cry. You took responsibility for supporting her mother,”
I said to this Responsible part. “You were really trying to
help at the time. The issue now is that Peggy needs to cry those
tears and experience the feelings that have been locked inside ever
since she was a little girl. Would it be all right with you if we
explore that?”
The Responsible part nodded. “I suppose it would be all right,
just a bit.”
I invited, “Is the one who wants to cry here?”
“I’m here,” whispered a sad Child within Peggy.
“I dove into the darkness a long time ago. This disease was
a way for me to come up.”
“It’s all right for you to cry,” I encouraged.
She began to cry. “Where in your body are these tears coming
from?” I asked.
Peggy pointed to her lower ribcage. “My lungs,” she
said.
“Let the tears come from there. Let them come.” Peggy
wept.
After awhile, the session gently concluded, and I urged Peggy
to follow up with counseling to flesh out the dynamics with her
mother and let the tears continue to flow.
In Peggy’s case, both Louise Hay and Carolyn Myss were right,
for grief lay behind Peggy’s lung disease. But grief about
what? The Self Behind the Symptom led Peggy to the core of her problem.
Inner Critic ~ Self-esteem (insomnia and neck
pain)
Jane had suffered from insomnia and chronic neck pain for years
and had tried many remedies for both. She decided to dialogue with
her insomnia.
First, Jane relaxed her body and her rational mind. Then she scanned
her body and noticed her jaw became tight.
“Stay with the tight feeling in the jaw, and see what happens
next,” I suggested, knowing the body was leading Jane right
where she needed to go.
Jane focused on her jaw, and in a moment a part related to the
insomnia appeared and began to speak. “I am stern,”
it said. “You can call me the Headmaster. I’m a steel
rod up the back of the neck, and I give pain there. I’m not
so sure you want to meet me.”
I assured the Headmaster I did.
“We’ll see,” it said.
The Headmaster began to explain its role. “I have to keep
moving, keep going. I work really hard all the time. But it’s
not the kind of ‘doing’ you might think. What’s
important to me is growing. It is paramount that Jane grow. I am
winning the race of consciousness. She can eat a little and sleep
a little, but she doesn’t need much. She is not supposed to
have any needs.”
At that moment, Jane’s neck made a loud “crack!”,
spontaneously adjusting as if it were being manipulated by a chiropractor.
We sat in amazement. This confirmed that the energy of the Headmaster
was indeed related to the neck pain as well as Jane’s insomnia.
Then Jane spoke to an opposite part who had lain buried underneath
the Headmaster’s incessant demands. A child-like voice that
did not want to work so hard cooed, “I do need a few things,
not a lot. I need to play, dance, eat, sleep, love and be loved.
It’s nice that somebody wants to talk with me.”
Jane then met another opposite to the Headmaster. This part did
not feel it had to strive for consciousness. It felt adequate, smart,
capable, brilliant, wise. Jane beamed as this part emerged, radiating
confidence, a balance to the never-satisfied Headmaster.
That night, and for several weeks, Jane slept soundly, a marked
improvement from her years of insomnia.
Inner Patriarch, with some Religious Rulemaker
~ Women’s Power (urinary tract infections and anorexia)
Brenda had never heard of the Inner Patriarch, but as we worked
with her urinary tract infection, she met him. This voice in her
said, “I do not want Brenda to be a female. They are slutty.
Women in general are weak. (laughing) They try so hard to be strong
and independent. Brenda rebels, but her rebellion is futile. She’d
have it much easier if she’d just succumb to the way it is.”
The Inner Patriarch continued, “She would like to be the
money-earner in the relationship and have a career and do ‘great”
things that would help people. She’s so delusional. It’s
not a woman’s place. It’s not. She’s still a woman
and she has to defer to it. Let her ‘career’ be a hobby,
a side thing. It’s very selfish otherwise. She should be taking
care of somebody, like her boyfriend. Amp it up a little. She asks
him to take responsibilities around the house, but she shouldn’t.
She should be having babies. They are a fertile couple and they
are not doing anything with it. She should stay at home. It’s
not a woman’s place to be out in the world. If she’s
dying to do something, get a hobby.
“She needs a relationship partner that is more dominant.
She picked someone who is too vulnerable, so she has to be responsible.
She is weak, she might as well be in the weak, traditional role
in the relationship. Her religious upbringing taught her to be obedient
and serving, not self-serving.
“You know how I connect to the urinary tract infection?
It makes her more submissive. It’s a way of controlling her
and it’s a way for me to mess with her female energy. She
can’t go too far cause I’ll yank her back. I’ll
show her.
“She’s a little shit. In high school, she had a boyfriend
who kept her in a submissive state. In college, she wore short skirts
and flirted and became wild and was with a ton of men and was on
that stupid pill that would stop any female from getting pregnant.
I couldn’t take it any longer. I slammed her down to get her
to stop. I feel no concern for her right now.”
“About the anorexia: It was her budding sexuality that needed
to be put under control. She was far too sexual, it was hard enough
that she developed early, but the male attention was not appropriate.
It was better to try to make her body not as feminine, more like
a boy.”
For a deeper understanding of the Inner Patriarch, please see
Sidra Stone’s book, The Shadow King: The Inner Force That
Holds Women Back.”
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Contents
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