by
Victoria
Resch
Does something inside
you always sabotage your plans and goals, despite your
best intentions? Do you find yourself torn by indecision?
Does a voice inside criticise you, ridicule you or undermine
your confidence and self esteem? Do the same destructive
patterns keep emerging in your relationships? Do you find
yourself being dictated by your head or emotions? Discover
how Voice Dialogue can help you with these questions by
learning more about the different and independent 'selves'
seeking voice within you. The words 'Know thyself' were
inscribed above the entrance to the ancient temple of
Delphi, and reflect a pursuit of self-knowledge and under-standing
that is as pivotal to our civilisation as it was to the
Ancient Greeks.
Voice Dialogue takes this belief one step further to
incorporate 'thyselves'. This is because the Voice Dialogue
process helps you to explore the different aspects of
self --your many 'selves' --freeing you to achieve your
own personal best in your work, your relationships and
any other as- pect of your life that may facilitate personal
insight, understanding and integration.
Voice Dialogue is a powerful tool for personal growth
and development which can help you resolve and overcome
these and other issues in a profound yet non-threatening
way. It is a wonderful therapeutic technique which enables
personal insight, understanding and integration. It can
also be a lot of fun. As a qualified psychologist, I am
trained in a wide variety of techniques and healing modalities,
yet I find Voice Dialogue the single most effective tool
available to me. As it is so respectful of the individual,
Voice Dialogue is a technique that people can be trained
to use in workshops with friends, partners, parents or
children -as long as both people each take the 'client'
and the 'facilitator' roles at some point, to avoid one
being cast in the role of therapist to the other. Of course,
working with a trained facilitator in Voice Dialogue is
very valuable.
So what is Voice Dialogue?
It was originally developed in the United States in
the early 1970s by two doctors of psychology, Dr Hal Stone
and his wife, Dr Sidra Stone. They refer to its theoreti-
cal base as the 'psychology of selves'.
You are probably aware that the person you are at work
is different from the person you are at home, and at a
party you are probably differenlt again. All of these
aspects of yourself have developed (in interaction with
your genetic blueprint and your 'psychic fingerprint')
as part of your personality in order to enable you to
function and survive in the world.
Primary Selves
Even as babies, we learn that certain behaviours meet
with positive responses and we modify our behaviour accordingly.
The Protector/Controller emerges first and gradually develops
into a cluster of 'primary selves' such as the Rule Maker,
the Inner Critic, the Perfectionist, the Pleaser, the
Pusher --designed to help us receive positive responses
from others, and to help us achieve according to the values
of the society we live in.
Disowned selves
These are our shadow side. They are the opposite energy
to the primary selves through which we actively interact
with the world, and they are equal in their power and
impact on our lives. If your Rule Maker is a powerful
self, it will draw people and experiences that may drive
it crazy. If the Pusher is a primary self for you and
just will not give you a break, there is a lazy disowned
self within, and you will attract that energy into your
life ---in your partner, your child or even your pets.
The process --a metaphor
or two
Through Voice Dialogue, we explore the different facets
of self -played out by a cast of sub-personalities -and
develop an increased awareness of 'who is running the
show' in our inner lives and in the way we present to
the world. It is as if the cast of selves within has been
rioting, sleeping or wandering aimlessly and directionless
on the stage of our lives, and then a strong, caring,
compassionate Director arrives and a powerful and fulfilling
ensemble is formed. The Director arrives mindfully and
tactfully, honouring the unique gifts of the entire cast,
for if he or she were to come on like gang- busters to
'clean up this act', it would only result in resistance.
The awareness and insight of the Director ensures a co-opera-
tive, contented, energetic and motivated cast. For the
auditory among you, consider the selves to be musicians
of different in- struments in the orchestra, having the
musical score only for their own parts in a symphony,
playing away as best they can. As they get to know the
other musicians and exchange sheet music, they begin to
play in harmony and piece together more and more of the
full, magnificent score. The Conductor, the Aware Ego,
steps out of the wings and communicates with each musician
in turn, compiling in this proc- ess the full orchestral
score. The Conductor takes the podium and raises the baton.
Each instrument then achieves its full potential in harmony
and synergy with all the others. This is not to say that
no-one will ever hit a wrong note or that the actors will
never blow their lines. This is the real world. Being
human and on earth means that we will continually confront
issues and challenges, whether interpersonal or material.
This is the stuff of life, and the challenge is to meet
these issues skilfully and mindfully, hold ing the tension
between the opposite energies that are in contention.
That is a part of life on earth. We can do this far more
effectively, rewardingly and lightly through the Aware
Ego through a fine Conductor, an excellent Director as
an integrated human being.
Case study 1
Late last year at a Voice Dialogue workshop outside Sydney,
I was working with a group in a shady clearing surrounded
by ferns and flannel flowers. The ground dropped away
very steeply into a gully close behind me. We were seated
in a circle and one young woman -I will call her Sophie
-volunteered to be facilitated in front of the group.
Sophie declared that she wanted more access to her Power
Self. She explained that she would do workshops, study,
gain qualifications, make plans and she knew that she
had the ability to put all that she had learned into practice.
Yet something was stopping her. Somehow her Vulnerable
Self would leap in and take over, not allowing her to
be fulfilled and realise her potential.
She explained this to me from her Aware Ego position.
In order for both myself and Sophie to gain a clearer
understanding of what aspect was sabotaging her, I asked
to speak to her Power Self. She sensed this energy within
her slightly to her right and shifted her chair to that
place. As she did so, a huge rottweiler dog emerged from
a bush. This was day three of the workshop, but this was
the first we had seen of this dog. It approached us, circled
the group, then circled Sophie and sat down behind her.
We all looked at one another in awe.
There was such a strong lesson about summoning up one's
power in that expe- rience. I chose to cement that lesson
in on a number of levels, and pointed out to Sophie's
Power Self that dogs do not get more powerful than that
rottweiler's jaws, fangs and haunches. The rottweiler's
power was present and available to it when necessary,
but the dog had felt no need to carry it in a threatening,
intimidating way. It had approached the group in an open
and friendly manner, and settled peacefully at rest behind
Sophie.
I then asked to speak to Sophie's aware ego, and she
shifted her chair back to her original position. As she
did so, the dog got up and disappeared over the steep
drop behind me so quickly, that it was as if it had never
been there.
I spoke with Sophie's Aware Ego about the experience
with her Power Self, raising her awareness of the factors
at play. I then asked to speak to her Vulnerable Self,
the one sabotaging the Power Self. I explored how the
Vulnerable Self had responded to Sophie's experience of
her Power Self, supported and enhanced by the energy of
the rottweiler. We discussed some childhood experiences
that Sophie had carried with her into adulthood which
had inhibited her realising her potential. Her Vulnerable
Self felt appreciated for its efforts to protect her and
also realised that she could now take very good care o
of her self.
She then returned to the Aware Ego position and, this
time, I suggested that we do an exercise designed to give
her more choice about whether her Power Self or her Vulnerable
Self was in charge at any given time.
I asked Sophie if she could tune into the energy which
she had felt when fully experiencing her Power Self. She
closed her eyes and drew in that energy and, as she did
so, the dog came over the rise and sat down behind her
again. At this point we were all pretty aghast. The universe
was certainly supporting Sophie's commitment to access
her personal power, as well as supporting the profound
instrument of self-development that is the Voice Dialogue
process.
The Voice Dialogue session
In the process of a Voice Dialogue ses- sion, the
facilitator will talk with you, perhaps about your life
in general or about a specific issue that you would like
to focus on. At some point, the alert facilitator recognises
that a particular energy pattern has taken control or
centre stage. It may be the Perfectionist, the Inner Critic,
the Inner Child, the Rule Maker, the Vulnerable Self,
the Competent Self, the Fearful Self, etc.
The facilitator will ask to speak to that sub-personality,
asking you to move to another position so that the sub-personality
is separated out from the everyday person, the operating
ego, and addressed as a separate entity. Each voice is
greeted and responded to individually, according to its
own unique energy pattern, just as we interact differently
with different people that we meet.
As the Voice Dialogue facilitator speaks directly with
the selves within you and the process of communicating
with these sub-personalities proceeds, you become less
identified with them and gain more insight into your own
functioning, as the operating ego becomes more of an Aware
Ego.
Through this process, we become aware of our sub-personalities
as entities in themselves with their own methods and motives,
their own personal histories and ages.
Case study 2
In his early twenties, Ben found
himself very alienated from the world around him. Wherever
he went, he was alert to signs of danger, ready to fend
off an attack watching behind him and around him. In addition
to this, he found that people seemed to ignore him. If
he did manage to engage them in conversation, they would
walk off when he was in the middle of it, leaving him
mid-sentence as if he were not talking. He felt invisible.
Both the hypervigilance and the inconspicuous parts of
him were ways of being that he had deliberately chosen
to adopt as defences when he was a boy, but they had taken
over his life.
When he was about twelve, Ben's
family had moved to anew city where he found himself excluded
and victimised by his peers. He was very unhappy and buried
himself in a fantasy world of comics. One in particular
had a great impact on him. He was very struck by the notion
of the Ninjas, the Japanese warriors whose martial arts
training gave them superhuman powers. They could make
themselves invisible, had senses highly tuned to signs
of danger and could defend themselves and others using
special weapons and magic. He imagined himself as a Ninja
-invisible and invincible. This gave him some comfort
and escape at the time, but over time his identification
with the Ninja Self had taken over, to the point where
he truly seemed to be invisible, insignificant or ignored
by people. He also found that
his anticipation of danger in any public situa- tion was
placing him under unnecessary pressure. Rationally, he
knew that he was lucky enough not to be under constant
threat of attack, but his Ninja Self would not let him
relax. Neither was it safe to risk being noticed.
This Ninja Self was an aspect of
Ben's Protector/Controller which had run riot. Ben's aware
ego had no choice over who was running the show in Ben's
life.
I asked to speak to Ben's Ninja
Self. Some selves take form slowly but his emergence was
dramatic and immediate. He rose, walked straight to the
door and crouched on his haunches, his arms raised and
held close to his body, ready to strike out. This Ninja
Self seemed much larger than Ben. His voice was deeper
and more steady -almost robotic. I greeted him and asked
him about his role in Ben's life. We talked for some time.
He was very clear about how effective he had been in protecting
Ben, but also acknowledged, with some sadness and regret,
that his function had outgrown its usefulness and that
he was actually holding Ben back now. It was time for
him to depart.
I suggested that perhaps we could
explore a new job description for him so that he could
continue to play his important protective role in Ben's
life but in a more functional way. He was adamant that
he must leave altogether for Ben's sake. He obviously
cared deeply for Ben so I wasconfident
that he and Ben's aware ego knew that it would be safe
-that some other aspect of Ben's Protector/Controller
was now ready to take the reins.
Suddenly Ben turned to me and said:
"He left. I saw him leave." Ben rose slowly
from where the Ninja had been crouched, and returned to
his seat. He had the tender vulnerability of something
newborn, and yet he seemed lighter and a great deal more
present, more grounded. We spent some time processing
what had just taken place as Ben gradually adjusted to
his new sense of self.
In the weeks that followed, Ben
was very aware of the shift, feeling quite vulnerable
until his Protector/Controller network adjusted to the
change. He was astounded, however, by the immediate change
in the way others related to him -noticing him, interacting
with him and listening to him. His hyper-vigilance vanished.
He retained normal sense of caution but he was able to
move comfortably through the day without fear of attack.
As this case history shows, it is
possible to make profound changes within a single Voice
Dialogue session. Each person has their own rhythm, their
own rate of unfolding. Sometimes the process is ex- citing
and dramatic and sometimes the road to self-discovery
is a gentle unfolding. It always proceeds at the pace
that you are ready for. In Voice Dialogue, it is your
own rhythm that guides the process. -even
their own 'birth' stories as to why they came into being.
It is extraordinary to observe the unique postures, gestures,
manners and facial ex- pressions of the different aspects
of self. Furthermore, they know answers with cer- tainty
that you, the aware ego, have no idea about.
Positive
intentions
The motives of your sub-personalities are always positive,
but they are some- times mis-guided. Each one is there
to serve you -wanting to help -but sometimes they operate
on the best solution that was available to you at an earlier
time in your life. Now, with added maturity and experience,
you may well be able to improve on the habitual methods
of a sub- personality that was formed when you were an
infant, a child or a teenager. Taming
out tormentors
With their good intentions recognised and appreciated,
a sub-personality may be very willing -often relieved
-to hand over the reins to another aspect of self that
may approach life in a way that is more functional and
effective; or, they may ma- ture within that sub-personality
with the help of other aspects of self.
being able to act in that functional
and effective way themselves.
Through this process, the previously
destructive selves become more benign and, in the course
of conversation about themselves or the person on behalf
of whom they represent an aspect, a sub-personality may
come to realise that the way they have been operating
is now obsolete or is no longer the best means available
to the person.
That inner critic may just decide
to take a holiday or may realise that it can better achieve
its ends by replacing negative self-talk with a more suppor-tive,
encouraging attitude.
That self-saboteur, whose aim is
probably to protect you from something, may realise that
your interests are better served if it steps back and
lets your achieving self take control. Self-saboteurs
are often very relieved at the prospect of giving up battle
mode and retraining as a vigilant, caring protector.
Often a sub-personality that has
been getting in your way or running your life has just
wanted to be heard, and the only way they could achieve
that was to yell and take over. To be given a voice is
often very healing to them and can be all they need in
order to back off and give you a go.
Gaining
insight, choice and control in your life
By meeting and becoming familiar with your various sub-personalities,
their 'shadow' sides, their motives and func- tions, you
will develop and strengthen the 'aware ego' as separate
from the sub-personalities.
As a result, we develop the ability
to choose who is in charge of ourselves. This is the aim
of Voice Dialogue. Instead of being puppets of our emotions
and past conditionings at the mercy of habitual and unconscious
patterns, we learn to take gen- tle, effective control
of our own lives.
is a registered psychologist in private practice in
Sydney with over twenty years experience in psychotherapy,
personal growth and the consciousness movement. She
conducts individual sessions and training workshops
in Voice Dialogue as well as corporate trainings in
communication skills, leadership and conflict resolution.
She can be contacted at corner Cross Street & Knox
Lane, Suite 3, /A Knox Lane, Double Bay, 2028 or Healing
Relationships Centre, Suite /6, 8-/2 Pacific Parade,
Dee Why, 2099. Telephone: (02) 93287770 or Mobile: 0/59/0505.
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